July 2009
The mystery doesn't unfold.
So, I’ve told some of you about those mysterious pieces of mail I’ve gotten within the last 2 weeks or so. Here they are.
There’s the first one.
Here’s the second one. (The pictures of the people are on the same paper. They’re front and back.)
Weird, huh?
I should get to work.
I’m almost done with Catcher in the Rye. I still don’t really like it, but at least it’s not hard to read. I’m not as intimidated by the essay as I feel I should be, so that’s cool. I just wish my laptop had internet. I realized, today, that it’s going to be werid once I do get into a relationship. I can’t imagine caring about a person that closely and...
June 2009
Pleasantries.
And in the end, everything’s perfect. I wouldn’t have had the Camp-In go any other way. The people, the food, the things we did, the things we laughed about, my comfort. It was just honestly perfect and anyone who wasn’t there truely missed out. And I’m proud of the things I lead in the planning of the Camp-In. My game was hilarious and everyone loved it, and my spiritual...
It doesn't make sense that I should fall for the...
It’s not about love. And I am not in love. In fact, I can’t stop falling out. I miss that stupid ache.
I’m glad I got to sit at that tree, today. I’m glad I did it in such nice weather. I’m glad my dogs are cute and cooperate…even if they don’t entirely. I’m glad I might get a treadmill, because I’m tired of always having the mental ability...
“Not all those who wander are lost.”
– J.R.R Tolkien
So I got these two letters in the mail.
Well, they’re not really letters…because there’s no words. In the first envelope, was a picture developed from Staples of a simple outdoor lamp on a wall. I don’t recognize it from anywhere, and it has no significance to me. Weird. The second envelope had in it another Staples developed picture of, this time, a pile of small stones in what looked like a forest landscape....
I want to like this tea, but I don't.
Fantastic. This timing is great. I love it. Keep throwing things at me. Nah, it’s cool, really. I never liked to be at peace, anyway. I make a lot of lists of things I want. A lot of them are stupid and naive. Here’s one that’s a little deeper than the surface. I want: -inspiration of any sort -to lose weight; to get toned again; to feel beautiful again -to lose my mind for a...
I’m content and it feels good. All of my emotions are so transient, though. I can’t take any of them seriously…even though I am right now…because I want to. I miss my old friends. I love my new friends, but I miss Joel and Julia and that whole group of guys (sort of) and Courtney and…I can’t think of anyone else. I miss having friends outside of my close group...
Two big stones residing in a fish bowl.
Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, I hope this turns out well. I hope I don’t completely procrastinate and I hope we can all pull together and make things happen like they’re supposed to. I am so not a party planner. I get too stressed over what people will think of the party and my efforts.
I hope I don’t let myself carry on in my...
Two things I really want:
1. To finally buy a CD from Zia. I haven’t in so long. I haven’t bought any new music in like…several months… 2. A pool. I nice, big pool. It’s so frustrating how big my backyard is, when none of it is used for anything but storage. It’s so frustrating because I love to be outside, but it’s really unenjoyable when all I have to do back there is look at...
Children, behave.
Perfect pizza really sets the tone for the remainder of your time living in that day. Perfect pizza really helps me to live in the moment.
Gotta say, I’m disappointed I didn’t get to bowl like a champ, today, but the trade off was fair enough. The feeling of overwhelming potential for a great summer is overcoming me, and I’m good.
I need to not get so heated in a moment...
I'm going to be as blunt and emotional as I want...
My life sucks, right now. This summer sucks. I suck. Everything sucks. This is embarrasing.
-I lost my phone, numerous documents, numerous albums of music, and my hair. -One of my closest and best friends is leaving in like, two weeks. -I need a job. -I need to learn how to drive. -I hardly ever see any of my family, anymore. My brother and sister are gone and my parents have to work all day...
Today is Jonathan's 25th birthday.
I should call him to tell him happy birthday, even though he doesn’t like to awknolwledge birthdays. I should just call him to talk; tell him about my life and to hear about his. I want to. I just…don’t. I don’t want to be all sentimental about saying, “just thinking about you, thought I’d give you a call…” I really do wish he were here, though....
Being alone with confidence is such a great thing.
I wish I could experience it.
Frustration floods my empty escapes.
That's more like it.
It’s just one of those nights where I can’t stop thinking of possibilities. I guess it’s a good thing, but it just makes me wish more, which runs me into ruts. I just want to be driving around with everyone, right now, drinking either passion fruit iced tea from AJ’s or some of my coffee. I want to be singing along with a song and harmonizing with the person sitting...
The coincidence is optimal.
I wish we were all on the same exact wave length. I wish the way I did things was easier for you to understand, because it all seems to obvious and logical to me.
Someone just referred a band to me, and I don’t like them at all; it pretty much has nothing to do with my music interests. God, I really actually hate this kind of band. Am I really that bad at first impressions? I guess so. I...
I hate feeling so helplessly human.
On the scale,
I’d say my sack of self esteem weighs about 2lbs, when it should weigh 10lbs. I can’t find a way to keep it from getting any lower. I mean, I know of ways, but every one is so impossible. So frustrating. So, I got my hair cut. I’ve realized, so far, at least, that it was a bad idea. I should’ve just kept it long. I shouldn’t have made that appointment. I was loving...
Obnoxious.
It’s one of those nights/days when I can’t seem to think on the bright side for more than 5 minutes. I get so sick of those. I just need to get out of the house for a day; get my mind off myself.
Oh, summer. Such trials and tribulations.
Me too?
I just feel good being around people, and I love that. I love the fact that I’m comfortable with conversations and situations and collaborations. I’m happy that I’m compatible, even if the people I want to see it aren’t seeing it. I’m happy that I’ve allowed myself to realize this.
I’m excited for the Camp-In, which is on the 26th and 27th. You should...
There are about three things I legitimately want,...
1-My phone. Not a new phone, not the same phone, MY phone. I’m just thinking about all the music and pictures on there…it’s sad, sad, sad that they’re gone.
2-A pool. A pool that takes up my entire backyard. My backyard is so ugly.
3-Summerfest to be rescheduled. Such a random week for a conflict, why does it have to beeeeeeeeeeeee?!
AAAAHHHHH!
I’m sort of...
But I’m excited for First Friday, this Friday.
But I don’t have plans for most of Wednesday and Thursday. I hope I don’t let myself be extremely lazy like I was today.
I’m just really, really sad I’ll be missing the best parts of Summerfest.
It's a simple process...
or so it seems.
The mechanics of my ambition are flawed and I have the tools to fix these flaws, but I don’t know how to use them.
The mechanics in the system of my thought processes are flawed. I don’t know what to do about that. They’re all systems of weights and pulleys that are metered by my own actions.
The mechanics in my wants are flawed. Anything attainable is out of...
